I Need a Wife

I have a conundrum.  You see, I have the day off today, which is a really good thing.  Hooray!  I loves me a good day off.   Which is why I shot out of bed this morning, excited by the possibilities that come with day off.   My plan was to tackle the monstrous To Do list I created in my head last night.  Yet, so far, two hours in, I’m totally SUCKING at my day off.  I have a real shot at improving my overall happiness, our home’ s cleanliness, and my brain’s cluttered state if I could just tackle this F%#@ing TO DO list.  But, I don’t know where to begin.

This is how my morning has gone so far:

Woke up and attempted to fix my stupid iPhone with the help of Sandra from AT&T while enjoying a nice glass of iced coffee (i.e., left over coffee from the fridge).  After an hour of that super fun task, I said to myself…”Self…pick ONE thing to do and DO it!”.  Right.

So, I turned to the living room where I have piles of crap that need to find a home.  As I began devising a plan for crap removal, I noticed the blank spot on the wall above our TV and thought…”wouldn’t that poster of Wellington Harbor I bought in New Zealand SIX years ago look lovely there?”  Ah yes, the same poster I vowed to myself I would have professionally framed the second I made some real money.  Yeah – so you can see how I roll.  I have indeed made some money in the past 6 years, enough to at least get a few damn posters framed.  But no, couldn’t make that happen.  Now, Danimal and I have 15 posters we’d like to have framed and we keep saying…”as soon as we save up enough dough to get them all framed…”.  Sweet.

So, I go into the guest bedroom to look for the posters, because I’ve decided I’m going to get them framed TODAY, dammit!  But then I notice the guest beds still need to be made up with the clean sheets.  Stupid beds.   I love a nicely made bed, but these beds are jerks.  So I look under the bed to find the posters (doesn’t everyone store their posters under the bed) and instead of posters I find a box full of the beautiful towels we got as a wedding gift.  Yippee!  So naturally I move on to wanting to wash the beautiful towels so we can actually enjoy them and completely ditch the poster idea.  I walk down to the basement to wash the towels but the washer is full of the guest bedroom sheets that we forgot to dry. Doh!!  Son of a bitch!  Next.

As a coping tactic, I go upstairs where I decide to tackle the kitchen I single-handedly destroyed with my culinary prowess last night.  Here’s a pic.  Looks fun, eh?

My stupid messy kitchen. This is 100% my fault.

Like having a nicely made bed, having a clean and organized kitchen is critical to keeping me happy.  My bedroom could look like a tornado went through it, but if my bed is made, I’m happy.  Who’s with me?  Just as I start putting away clean dishes and loading dirty ones, my dad calls with a Facebook question.  This is his new thing.  Lately, I’ve gotten daily phone calls from my papa with Facebook questions.  I find this quite darling, so I’m not bothered by it.

So I drop everything and head to my computer for Dad’s Daily Facebook Tutorial, during which, I begin to tune out Dad and start searching for menu ideas for the Labor Day BBQ / birthday party we’re throwing this weekend. Exactly how much meat should one buy for 17+ people?  Don’t know.  Turns out, another thing I suck at is throwing parties for large groups.  Today is going to be fun.

In the end, I realize I have no ability to actually get anything done in my personal life and so I surrendered to writing this blog post while searching for symptoms of A.D.D., and pondering how lovely it would be to have a wife to run my life for me.  At least my kitchen would be cleaner.

Happy Labor Day weekend friends!

p.s.  If you’re in Wisconsin, be sure to stop by the Wisconsin State Cow Chip Throw this weekend.

3 thoughts on “I Need a Wife

  1. Mardee says:

    Love it … !! Glad I’m not alone in feeling the pressure of perfection from a day off (or the frustration that comes from helping a parent navigate Facebook!!) You’ve made someone smile, so that’s one tally mark in the “done” column for today’s To Do list! As for the kitchen …. there’s always tomorrow!

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