By any other name

June 29, 2010
On my first day at work after our honeymoon, I had to sign my signature on several documents. Two separate people looked up at me from the papers and said…”Aren’t you changing your name?”  Ugh, what?!  Crap. They busted me. Wasn’t changing it on Facebook enough? Here’s the thing…I can’t do it. Not…”I can’t bear the thought of changing my name!” but rather…I physically cannot write it.

Believe me, I’ve tried!  I even tried at the pool one day on our honeymoon – for like two hours, on the back of my pool bar receipt (three margaritas)!  It’s not like I’ve had 3.5 years to practice this signature. Okay, I confess. I pretty much fell in love with Dan-the-man the night I met him, so let’s be honest here ladies… you all know I should have been practicing writing in my notebook “Lindsay J. “Dan-the-Man” in study hall all these years. But no, I didn’t do that, did I?  Instead, I fumbled away three perfectly good years of practice time. I could have mastered this last name with curly W’s and beautifully looping L’s. Just think how lovely the name could be with three years of practice.

The funniest part about this is that his last name and mine are practically the same thing. First, invert the first letter, and then move onto the same THREE letters in a row that occur in my maiden name, and then several more letters that already occur in my maiden name. These are not unusual letters people! I didn’t marry a man with a last name containing only Q’s and Z’s (though having a Q in your name would be pretty sweet).  And yet I still cannot sign the damn name in a natural and, well, fabulous way.  I keep writing my maiden name and then remember (doh!) that I have to fit HIS name on the line and then there’s no room left. So his name just sits up high and off to the side like it’s to the “Nth” degree or something.

I keep channeling the ‘Friends’ episode where Phoebe discovers, much to her delight, that anyone can change their name. So she skips down to the DMV and changes her name to none other than “Princess Consuela Bananahammock”.  Priceless.

I can’t help but think…”If I’m going to do this…then I should DO this.” Like, go for the Gold. Like, change my name to something REALLY awesome – like Francesca or Alexandra or Gwendolyn, with an even awesomer middle name. And naturally, I’d choose that perfect last name that I can write – really, really well.

Have any of you changed your name?  What was it like for you at first?  For those of you gals in line to get hitched, what are your plans for name changing?

Off to go practice some more. Thank God for White Out.

One thought on “By any other name

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